Here I am down on my knees again…

It’s been a bumpy month with the kiddo. Some days, I just want to having a crying sesh and I know that would do me good. But one thing that sustains me is His loving Presence. He is near. He cares. I surrender.

Here I am
Down on my knees again
Surrendering all
Surrendering all

Find me here
Lord as You draw me near
Desperate for You
Desperate for You

I surrender

Drench my soul
As mercy and grace unfold
I hunger and thirst
I hunger and thirst

With arms stretched wide
I know You hear my cry
Speak to me now
Speak to me now

I surrender
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

I surrender
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more


Hello Spring Semester

Here we go again. I started first day of Spring Semester at CSUN yesterday. I’m taking 2 courses. 1. Poly Science ONLINE and Child development class called Applied Social Development.

Reviewing the syllabus is the worst because it feels overwhelming to see all the work that is required. One of the professors even said to figure out a 1ohr week studying time in order to pass the class.

But I can do this. I just need to take it day by day and focus on finishing one assignment at a time.

I’m trusting God to give me the strength I need to finish strong.

Matthew 6:34

The Message (MSG)

34 “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

During my last semester, I wasn’t able to commit to going to the gym because that was the only time I could come home from work and focus on my homework while my husband took Emma to the gym for an hour or two.

Since I had a month off from school, I started going to the gym and I’m really liking the way I feel about myself. I notice the change in energy and it just makes me feel good about myself. Even though I haven’t lost any weight, I want to continue going an hour 3 or 4 times a week.

I also want to spend time with my daughter until her bedtime and then focus on schoolwork, probably till midnight or whatever time I may need to stay up.

All I keep day dreaming about is my graduation with hubby and Emma being there with me and celebrating together. They are my inspiration.



Emma’s first x-ray & making up for all the tears


About a week ago, I wrote about my 20 month old toddler slipping on a book and hurting her ankle. With no signs of swelling or bruising, she continued walking with a little limp. I was getting really nervous and worried so we took her in to see her doctor yesterday. The doc couldn’t find anything unusual with her after doing torturous stretches and then we asked for her to be x-rayed just to be double sure.

I thought taking in your toddler for blood work was bad but the x-ray seemed worse. My hubby and I had to hold her down for a couple of minutes with her crying, screaming and kicking , we managed to get a shot of her bones. The doc showed us the x-ray and everything looked as it should.

Upon searching googling, I’ve resolved that it is either growing pains or she is just being cautious that she remembers the incident. I don’t know. I’m trusting God has it under control.

We took her out after the hospital visit to make up for all the torture and tears we caused her and she seemed happy enjoying the sun and life.

I love this girl.


say cheese

love being her mom,




Laundry for 3


It seems like the more I do laundry the more clothes I have to wash. I used to manage it once a week but now its almost twice a week or even daily as when there is a load ready, I try to put it in.
Above is the picture of what my Friday night looked like. 🙂

If you have ever tried folding a laundry with a toddler it’s like folding the laundry with a big fan on right next to you LOL

I watied until hubby and baby we’re both asleep and I tackled it in 30 minutes.

i cry more than my baby

I cry when I’m happy
I cry when I’m sad
I cry when I’m hurt
I cry during movies
I cry when someone seems to have forgotten about me
I cry when my daughter has boo boo. I’m tempted to cry with her every time she cries.

I cry easily and often. It seems like that’s how I express any kind of real raw emotion.

Sometimes when I cry happy tears, I need to state a disclaimer to my hubby so he wouldn’t think it’s cuz he did something wrong. But he is getting better at understanding my cry language.

He usually laughs about it but for the most part doesn’t mind the tears.

I don’t like or enjoy crying in front of people though. It makes me feel weak when I want to appear strong and “i got this.”

I also don’t like how I look when i’m crying. It’s not a pretty sight.
I don’t mind the occasional tears running down my face – that one isn’t bad.
When I cry cuz of my heart hurting – that is the worst.

It’s ok to cry, it shows how alive we are and it’s not a sign of weakness as long as you’re not throwing a self-pity party. But even then, i think ever girl deserves to have a pity party for 15 minutes at least and move on.

You know what I hate. When we try to cover up our emotions by blaming our hormones, stress level or PMS or something else to cover the pain in our hearts. Sure hormones have an effect and I know this because they were whack during my pregnancy and I can tell the difference.

I also don’t like when guys underestimate our feelings criticising us for Over reacting or being a drama queen so we ladies like to down play our emotions to not be called names like crazy bitch, drama queen, or emotional.

While we shouldn’t be controlled by our emotions but we should let our emotions indicate the condition of our hearts and the truth will set us free and heal.

chocolate is my comfort & coffee is my deliverer

I blogged recently about weight loss and because I committed this week to losing rest of the baby weight, I also started a devotional to go hand in hand with my eating habits called Made to crave 21 day challenge. You can dl it free from  YouVersion Bible app. It is about refocusing your mind and emotions.

I’m on day 2 with the reading called “Overweight physically and Underweight Spiritually.”

Really gets to the core of things. I think we’re naturally wired to be emotional eaters. We eat when we’re happy, sad, stressed, and bored when we should be eating when we’re hungry.

Food is good. Our bodies need good nutritious food for it to function well. We can’t have celebrations without food. But we also can’t wait for those celebrations and events to stop in order for us to maintain a healthy eating lifestyle.

God has created us to crave Him more than anything else. What is one thing that you cannot live without? He asks for the one thing and not because he is mean but because he doesn’t want us to be controlled by anything but rather be in control and have power over chocolate, donuts and cake.

He wants us to run to him when we’re stressed and not to the fridge. He wants to feed us spiritually so we can be powerful.

Made to crave.

I long to satisfy my deepest desire with God, not food. I want to consume food and not be consumed by it.

Wanna join the challenge?


Sign up to my blog as I will posts my thoughts and parts from the  devotional   start your own study 21 day challenge 🙂




the love i know

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for giving me an incredible husband. I’m so very grateful for him and his love. He knows me most and loves me best.

Before I even knew him, I wrote a list of characteristics that I’d like for my future husband to have and not only does he meet all of them but he really takes it to the next level.

He says it’s because he read a lot of Cosmo in high school LOL

He is just the sweetest most loving man i know and so lucky he is mine.

Elisabeth Elliot puts it in words that speak to me and the love I know and speak of.

“This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience – it looks for a way of being constructive.
Love is not possessive.
Love is not anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own ideas.
Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage.
Love is not touchy.
Love does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails.
Love knows no limits to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that stands when all else has fallen.”
― Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman

Finding Skinny Bitch


The picture to the left is one month before I got pregnant. I was a little shy of 120lbs. I gained 85lbs during pregnancy, way more than the average pregnancy weight gain. Emma and I didn’t have any complications during pregnancy or during labor and had a regular birth with epidural.

Since Emma’s birth, I’ve lost almost 50lbs but been stuck for the last six months now.

My current weight is the average weight of what I’ve always been since my 20’s with the exception of the drastic weight loss due to my vegan diet and working out 4-5x a week for a year after our wedding. I went from a size 6 to a size 2-4, That one year that I maintained my weight was the year I felt my very best and ever since I’ve had Emma, it’s been a struggle getting back to my pre baby weight.

I gave up on my vegan diet during pregnancy so it’s been a challenge for me to eliminate the meat and dairy but this week, I made up my mind I’m going to stick with it.

I re-read a couple of the books that first got me motivated. Books like Eat to Live, and The Skinny Bitch. (BTW the “bitch” in Skinny Bitch” is not the mean bitch you’re thinkig of, the title is picked to grab reader’s attention, says the book) The last few weeks, I committed to going to the gym with my hubby. I had stopped working out during Fall Semester because I just couldn’t do it with full-time work and school and keeping the house together. It was too much.

I jokingly say that maybe my body doesn’t want to lose weight, maybe it wants to get pregnant again.

Even if we choose to go for another baby, I really want to make healthy eating choices during pregnancy and not gain as much.

I really thought all that was going to be water weight and I did have a lot of water but most of it was fat. By the time I got home from the hospital the next day, I was already down 30Lbs. Emma was born close to 10lbs and I guess the 20lbs must have been the water and placenta and the rest, fat. LOL

I tried being intense about it right when we got home from the hosptial. I’d try to eat little but that made me feel sick especially since I was breastfeeding so I couldn’t keep up with it. I just felt so icky during and after.

It’s so annoying and frustrating to see celebrity moms bounce right back in less than 4 months. It seems like every magazine cover features “How she got her body back after baby in just 90 days!”

Maybe I’m a little jealous.

One celebrity I love and can relate to is Jessica Simpson! I loved watching her pregnancy and even after because she reminded me of me! Check out her interview with Jay Leno, she is hilarious, Jessica Simpson interview

oh how I wish, someone would give me a 3 million contract to lose the weight and be their spokesperson 🙂

Emma is almost 20 months and I’m still about 30lbs away from my ideal weight. I dont’ do diets well. Whenever I’m restricted I end up eating more. I like the word lifestyle because that makes me relax and enjoy what I eat knowing that what I’m putting in my body is to fuel it and give it what’s nutritious.

I’m determined to lose it for good by eating healthy and working out and being good to my body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

New International Version (NIV)

19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

I will update again.