Great happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved

God’s Voice of Love

I’ve never quit loving you and never will.

Expect love, love, love and more love. Jeremiah 31:3 The Message

Love is knowing that even when you are alone, you will never be lonely again. Great happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.

Loved for ourselves. Even loved in spite of ourselves.”

Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

Lord help me to let go and let you Love me like you want to.

Cupids are over rated

Valentine is approaching and it’s bringing back memories of the years when I’d dread the day because for some of us its Single Awareness Day & for some it maybe too commercialized or forced.

I remember dreading it the most during high school years when a student from the admissions office would deliver those big fluffy bears,  heart-shaped balloons, roses to the very popular girls in my class and it would never be me. The funny thing is that  I wouldn’t give up the wait until 3pm for that day and repeat every year though.  It was hard trying to be happy for those girls when I was feeling so bummed about myself.

I also remember a time when my parents took me and my sister out on Valentine’s Day and how I felt embarrassed and kept praying no one from school would see me.

It went on  a few more years like that after high school until I decided to spend it with friends and do something that day instead of feeling sorry for myself.

Looking back it feels silly but at the time it was intense. I get you, all you single ladies:0) Let me tell you that your time will come when your guy will make you feel special and loved every single day and you’d be grateful that it played out the way it did.

Cupids are over rated and they are not even real.

Love does. Every day and not just on Valentine’s Day.

I do like the chocolate and flowers but I never want my husband to feel obligated to do or get me anything because it that  we’re the case it really suck the life out of the gift.

Happily married ❤

 

 

Hungry Soul

When we rely on over-stuffing ourselves with food, drinking until we get drunk, or conducting an adulterous relationship, we are revealing a desperate attempt to silence the cries of a hungry soul.

Our souls have the same ravenous intensity as a vacuum cleaner; that’s how God created us — with a longing to be filled. It is a longing God instilled to draw us into deep intimacy with Him.

c/o Made to Crave by Lisa TerKeurst

i cry more than my baby

I cry when I’m happy
I cry when I’m sad
I cry when I’m hurt
I cry during movies
I cry when someone seems to have forgotten about me
I cry when my daughter has boo boo. I’m tempted to cry with her every time she cries.

I cry easily and often. It seems like that’s how I express any kind of real raw emotion.

Sometimes when I cry happy tears, I need to state a disclaimer to my hubby so he wouldn’t think it’s cuz he did something wrong. But he is getting better at understanding my cry language.

He usually laughs about it but for the most part doesn’t mind the tears.

I don’t like or enjoy crying in front of people though. It makes me feel weak when I want to appear strong and “i got this.”

I also don’t like how I look when i’m crying. It’s not a pretty sight.
I don’t mind the occasional tears running down my face – that one isn’t bad.
When I cry cuz of my heart hurting – that is the worst.

It’s ok to cry, it shows how alive we are and it’s not a sign of weakness as long as you’re not throwing a self-pity party. But even then, i think ever girl deserves to have a pity party for 15 minutes at least and move on.

You know what I hate. When we try to cover up our emotions by blaming our hormones, stress level or PMS or something else to cover the pain in our hearts. Sure hormones have an effect and I know this because they were whack during my pregnancy and I can tell the difference.

I also don’t like when guys underestimate our feelings criticising us for Over reacting or being a drama queen so we ladies like to down play our emotions to not be called names like crazy bitch, drama queen, or emotional.

While we shouldn’t be controlled by our emotions but we should let our emotions indicate the condition of our hearts and the truth will set us free and heal.

the love i know

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for giving me an incredible husband. I’m so very grateful for him and his love. He knows me most and loves me best.

Before I even knew him, I wrote a list of characteristics that I’d like for my future husband to have and not only does he meet all of them but he really takes it to the next level.

He says it’s because he read a lot of Cosmo in high school LOL

He is just the sweetest most loving man i know and so lucky he is mine.

Elisabeth Elliot puts it in words that speak to me and the love I know and speak of.

“This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience – it looks for a way of being constructive.
Love is not possessive.
Love is not anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own ideas.
Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage.
Love is not touchy.
Love does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails.
Love knows no limits to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that stands when all else has fallen.”
― Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman

he is still my boyfriend

When we were dating, no matter how tired I was, I’d shower, get ready and look pretty for him and stand by the door with my heart beating so fast as I waited for him to come and pick me up.

The beauty of being married and marriage is that you have the best of two worlds. I am comfortable enough in our relationship to wake up with crazy hair, walk around wearing two different socks, with a chip clip in my hair and he will still love me because he is faithful.

Even though he is my husband and the father of my baby, he is still my boyfriend and I never want to take his love for granted.

I want to make the extra effort to look desirable and attractive to him. I want to do my hair and wear those heels and that little black dress for him.

i love my boyfriend ❤

oshandme

El

The truth about butterflies and rainbow kisses

Was anyone listening to KIIS F.M. this morning?

A girl called stating her case of dating this amazing guy who has been so good to her yet she was having troubling liking him or as she said getting the butterflies and excited and not being able to stop thinking about the person.

Ryan’s advise was if she is calling for an answer it is because she already knows the answer but doesn’t want to hear it. He said an old wise man once told him “The answer that you don’t want to hear is the answer.”

I was still thinking and analyzing when another caller called to give her opinion and what she said was spot on.

We’re always looking for the crazy and the excitement and the butterflies when in the real world it doesn’t work out that way and that’s why relationships and marriages don’t last.

With having said that, here is what I think.

Chemistry is essential. You need to be attracted to the person. You can’t force it.  Character is way more important and it’s for the long and far ride. I’ve been with my husband for seven years and yes he still gives me the butterflies occasionally but for the most part it’s pretty normal and it’s committment and living life side by side day in and day out.

Media has us hooked on romance and all the hype of being in love. We’re always looking to “get” something but marriage works when we’re willing “to give” something to and for our spouses. Not to find the perfect person but to be the perfect person.

I can honestly say I’m in more love with my husband now than I was in the beginning when I had the most butterflies almost all the time. That is because I’ve come to know the person he is so much more and better seven years later than I did when I met him and it was all fun and games. We have created memories and lived experiences. I know him personally and intimately.  He is my constant friend, my companion and my lover.

You can’t be in love or love a person like crazy in like a month. That is more like lust.

Love grows and it is like wine. It gets better with  time spent together loving, giving, forgivig, doing. That’s romance.

Date with your mind and heart. Not just mind and not just heart.

Happily Married,

El

 

 

My Week With Marilyn

Michelle Williams does an excellent job playing Marilyn Monroe in My Week with Marilyn. Having ready My Story of Marilyn Monroe, born Norma Jeane, the movie was even more touching and heartfelt and my heart ached for her so badly. No one has ever been able to be as iconic as her even though they tried. She is irreplaceable.

My hubby even shed some tears in the end shamelessly.

I love movie nights with my love.

Let me know if you’ve seen the movie or see it, I’d like to know what you think about it!

to love & obey

If you love me, you will obey what I command (John 14:15)

I used to feel so much pressure reading that verse because I’d think Oh snap, I made a mistake and a fool out of Jesus, God is gonna doubt my love for him now and people are going to think and say she’s a hypocrite! Look at what she is saying, wearing and doing that’s the same girl who says believes/loves God?! What a hypocrite.

Many people are afraid of God because growing up they’ve been taught to fear God and if they do something wrong, they expect to be punished. If you bring up God in conversation, you can see how many people leave the room so quickly. At least, that’s how I was raised to see God as a grumpy old man who sits and judges people all day long. Many people don’t want to do the Jesus/church thing because they ALREADY know they can’t KEEP all the commandments. No one can. Jesus did. That’s why we need HIM.  I’m so thankful, over the last 12 years, I have come to know the truth and have been set free from the legalistic, religious views!

So many people are trying to get close to God or win God’s approval by doing the right things like going to church and reading their bible or doing good deeds. God is not impressed nor does he require all of that in order for him to love you. He loved you before you were even born. He might not approve or like certain behaviors and actions because ultimately they are not good for us but He loves US and delights in US.

I used to think that if I love God then I need to OBEY all his commands to show or prove God and others that I love him. Isn’t that how we’re raised in our families? It’s all conditional. What do you have to offer to ME? or I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine. That’s why it is hard to believe because sounds too good to be true that God really loves us no matter what but it’s TRUE!

I relate my married life to my relationship with God. There are things that i know if I were to do that would make my hubby happy and even though I might not like that thing, I do it with gladness! Same is true with God. I love God so I obey him because it makes Him glad. No extra effort needed or guilt if I didn’t do something. He is not going to love me more or less.

This past year especially, I have come to know God in a newer way. A way that I can relax. I don’t have to keep all the rules. He is cool with me. I can be myself. It’s sad that some folks assume you lose your personality when You become a Christ follower. I have found out that I have actually been able to become more like myself since I’ve starting following Christ.

Our society hides and masks but  God reveals and sets free and loves.

He loves you no matter what!

And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how high, and how deep his love is.

May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Ephesians: 3:18-19

Heart Condition

Lately, God has brought it to my attention that I spend too much time being afraid of missing him, not praying enough, reading the bible enough, getting out of his will and not walking in his ways. He wants me to simple be me, and enjoy all that he has given me. He wants me to accept the joy, everything else he has already done for me.

He brought it to my attention, that men created religion to find ways to God but Jesus didn’t come to give us religion. It was God in flesh, reaching down to us, to save us from the works of trying to get right with God. He came to fulfill the law. He came so that I will have joy and my joy will be complete. He came so that I will have Peace even in the midst of sickness, drama, trouble and any crisis! He reached out to me. He wanted to connect with you and me!

I don’t need to try to do anything. What God wants is for me to enjoy all that He has already done for me.

It’s as if, If I were to make my daughter soup and instead of her enjoying and eating the soup, what if she constantly kept dumping it in the sink and trying to make it on her own over and over to get it to taste just right. I already made it, why can’t she just sit and enjoy the meal?

It’s as if, the Armenian coffee I make in the mornings, tries to figure me out. It’s the same when I try to figure God out. His ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts.

I have way too many apps on my iphone. I don’t sit and try to figure them out, how they were made, how it works. I just know by one touch it takes me where I want to go and assists me with what I need.

I feel like that’s how God sees us sometimes. Instead of getting connected to him, we’re trying to figure out the apps. Just hit install. It’s FREE. Password: JESUS

Why do I have trouble believing? Why do I have trouble receiving His love and joy?  Maybe, because it sounds too good to be true. Or maybe because my dad taught me, I need to work hard. Maybe because our society has taught us NOTHING IS FOR FREE. Maybe it doesn’t make sense to ask and believe….because in case it doesn’t I need a back up plan!

Sometimes my disappointment in me comes from thinking I have disappointed God but He has seen all of that before I was even born. He knows what I’m going to say before I say and what I’m going to do before I do it, yet HE CHOSE to love me nonetheless.

Even with all that I know of Him and His love for me, I am still fearful to let go and let Him lead. I sometimes wait for feelings first before obedience, yet feelings are the result of obedience.”

I fear insignificance.”

“I’m scared that my goals, hopes, and dreams don’t line up with God’s plans for me. I’m scared that if I follow Him, I will have to move to a mud hut in Zimbabwe.”

“I’m scared of being disappointed—I’ve been let down so many times by my earthly parent, friends and just anyone I’ve been close to, it is hard to believe that I can trust God.”

“I have trouble believing that the Bible is true, so I pick and choose what I’m going to believe and do; then I wonder why it is not working out for me. I want to believe God and obey His word, but I don’t really, so I do it my way, and it doesn’t work out for me … so I blame Him.”

“I’m scared that if I surrender fully to God, I’ll turn into someone I don’t recognize or even like.”

God doesn’t want me to be someone else. He created me to be me. There is none like me. If anything, He wants to help me strip me of layers of images, the expectations, burdens, rules and law that  people, society and culture around me has put on me, to be free of that, break free, to be the me that I want to be. To love without being afraid of getting hurt. To be able to be open and vulerable.

God is not complicated. I make him to be. He is simple. He is simple and true. Even when I’m not. He doesn’t ask me to do anything He knows I couldn’t do. He simply asks me to trust him even when I don’t have the answers. He simply wants me to enjoy every day life without being afraid of the future.

Even in the midst of being Almighty and All Powerful, God is With us, on our level, and right where we are.

Help me Lord, to accept Your Truth, to  live a simple kind of life, and walk in love without being judgemental and critical of others. Help me to fall back on your grace and not try to overdo things and make things complicated. Help me to treat others as I want them to treat me.

Help me to remember, you don’t keep a record of my bible reads, plans and wrongs. It’s me who does and I should let it go. Help me to do that and live in your freedom. Help me to rememeber that these three remain: faith, hope and Love but above all LOVE

In Jesus Name

Amen

El