What are you eating for?

I’m almost done with my 21 days of Made to Crave Devotional. I just finished day 19 today which means I’ve also been very watchful and mindful of what I’m putting in my body. More so in the last week.

Last week was very stressful for us and I found myself asking my hubby,

“Which is harder having a stressful week or having a stressful week and not being able to eat all the junk you’d like.”

During the last week, not being able to run to food for comfort gave me a few things to think about.

When we go to our parents, are we going because we want to see them and spend time with them or are we going to eat mama’s homemade lasagna?

When we look forward to our lunch are we looking forward to going out and catching up with our friend more than we are about enjoying that burger?

I’m not saying eating is bad or wanting to eat is bad. But how and when are we eating? and how much and for what reason?

It is typical to celebrate with food but what about day in and day out, are we eating to fuel bodies or are we rewarding ourselves like puppies?

It’s been so hard especially this past week, I didn’t allow myself to even cheat on weekends, and not even the superbowl.

I have 5 more weeks to go until I go by the 90% rule, which means I can have one cheat day/week ūüôā





Hungry Soul

When we rely on over-stuffing ourselves with food, drinking until we get drunk, or conducting an adulterous relationship, we are revealing a desperate attempt to silence the cries of a hungry soul.

Our souls have the same ravenous intensity as a vacuum cleaner; that‚Äôs how God created us ‚ÄĒ with a longing to be filled. It is a longing God instilled to draw us into deep intimacy with Him.

c/o Made to Crave by Lisa TerKeurst

Emma’s first x-ray & making up for all the tears


About a week ago, I wrote about my 20 month old¬†toddler¬†slipping on a book and hurting¬†her ankle. With no signs of swelling or bruising, she continued¬†walking with a little limp. I was getting really nervous and worried so we took her in to see her doctor yesterday. The doc couldn’t find anything unusual with her after doing torturous stretches and then we asked for her to be x-rayed just to be double sure.

I thought taking in your toddler for blood work was bad but the x-ray seemed worse. My hubby and I had to hold her down for a couple of minutes with her crying, screaming and kicking , we managed to get a shot of her bones. The doc showed us the x-ray and everything looked as it should.

Upon searching googling, I’ve resolved that it is either growing pains or she is just being cautious that she remembers the incident. I don’t know. I’m trusting God has it under control.

We took her out after the hospital visit to make up for all the torture and tears we caused her and she seemed happy enjoying the sun and life.

I love this girl.


say cheese

love being her mom,




i cry more than my baby

I cry when I’m happy
I cry when I’m sad
I cry when I’m hurt
I cry during movies
I cry when someone seems to have forgotten about me
I cry when my daughter has boo boo. I’m tempted to cry with her every time she cries.

I cry easily and often. It seems like that’s how I express any kind of real raw emotion.

Sometimes when I cry happy tears, I need to state a disclaimer to my hubby so he wouldn’t think it’s cuz he did something wrong. But he is getting better at understanding my cry language.

He usually laughs about it but for the most part doesn’t mind the tears.

I don’t like or enjoy crying in front of people though. It makes me feel weak when I want to appear strong and “i got this.”

I also don’t like how I look when i’m crying. It’s not a pretty sight.
I don’t mind the occasional tears running down my face – that one isn’t bad.
When I cry cuz of my heart hurting – that is the worst.

It’s ok to cry, it shows how alive we are and it’s not a sign of weakness as long as you’re not throwing a self-pity¬†party. But even then, i¬†think ever girl deserves to have a pity party for 15 minutes at least and move on.

You know what I hate. When we try to cover up our emotions by blaming our hormones, stress level or PMS or something else to cover the pain in our hearts. Sure hormones have an effect and I know this because they were whack during my pregnancy and I can tell the difference.

I also don’t like when guys underestimate our feelings criticising us for Over reacting or being a drama queen so we ladies like to down play our emotions to not be called names like crazy bitch, drama queen, or emotional.

While we shouldn’t be controlled by our emotions but we should let our emotions indicate the condition of our hearts and the truth will set us free and heal.

chocolate is my comfort & coffee is my deliverer

I blogged recently about weight loss and because I committed this week to losing rest of the baby weight, I also started a devotional to go hand in hand with my eating habits called Made to crave 21 day challenge. You can dl it free from  YouVersion Bible app. It is about refocusing your mind and emotions.

I’m on day 2 with the reading called “Overweight physically and Underweight Spiritually.”

Really gets to the core of things. I think we’re naturally wired to be emotional eaters. We eat when we’re happy, sad, stressed, and bored when we should be eating when we’re hungry.

Food is good. Our bodies need good nutritious food for it to function well. We can’t have celebrations without food. But we also can’t wait for those celebrations and events to stop in order for us to maintain a healthy eating lifestyle.

God has created us to crave Him more than anything else. What is one thing that you cannot live without? He asks for the one thing and not because he is mean but because he doesn’t want us to be controlled by anything but rather be in control and have power over chocolate, donuts and cake.

He wants us to run to him when we’re stressed and not to¬†the fridge.¬†He wants to feed us spiritually so we can be powerful.

Made to crave.

I long to satisfy my deepest desire with God, not food. I want to consume food and not be consumed by it.

Wanna join the challenge?


Sign up to my blog as I will posts¬†my thoughts and parts from the ¬†devotional¬†¬† start your own study 21 day challenge¬†ūüôā




Finding Skinny Bitch


The picture to the left is one month before I got pregnant. I was a little¬†shy of 120lbs. I gained 85lbs¬†during pregnancy, way more than the average pregnancy weight gain. Emma and I didn’t have any complications¬†during pregnancy or during labor and had a regular birth with epidural.

Since Emma’s birth, I’ve lost almost 50lbs but been stuck for the last six months now.

My current weight is the average weight of what I’ve always been since my 20’s with the exception of the drastic weight loss due to¬†my vegan diet and working out 4-5x¬†a week for a year after our wedding. I went from a size 6 to a size 2-4, That one year that I maintained my weight was the year I felt my very best and ever since I’ve had Emma, it’s been a struggle getting back to my pre baby weight.

I gave up on my vegan diet during pregnancy¬†so it’s been a challenge for me to eliminate the meat and dairy but this week, I made up my mind I’m going to stick with it.

I re-read a couple of the books that first got me motivated. Books like Eat to Live, and The Skinny Bitch. (BTW the “bitch” in Skinny Bitch” is not the mean bitch you’re thinkig of, the title is picked to grab reader’s attention, says the book) The last few weeks, I committed¬†to going to the gym with my hubby. I had stopped working out during Fall Semester because I just couldn’t do it with full-time work and school and keeping the house together. It was too much.

I jokingly say that maybe my body doesn’t want to lose weight, maybe it wants to get pregnant again.

Even if we choose to go for another baby, I really want to make healthy eating choices during pregnancy and not gain as much.

I really thought all that was going to be water weight and I did have a lot of water but most of it was fat. By the time I got home from the hospital the next day, I was already down 30Lbs. Emma was born close to 10lbs and I guess the 20lbs must have been the water and placenta and the rest, fat. LOL

I tried being intense about it right when we got home from the hosptial. I’d try to eat little but that made me feel sick especially since I was breastfeeding so I couldn’t keep up with it. I just felt so icky during and after.

It’s so annoying and frustrating to see celebrity moms bounce right back in less than 4 months. It seems like every magazine cover features “How she got her body back after baby in just 90 days!”

Maybe I’m a little jealous.

One celebrity I love and can relate to is Jessica Simpson! I loved watching her pregnancy and even after because she reminded me of me! Check out her interview with Jay Leno, she is hilarious, Jessica Simpson interview

oh how I wish, someone would give me a 3 million contract to lose the weight and be their spokesperson ūüôā

Emma is almost 20 months and I’m still about 30lbs away from my ideal weight. I dont’ do diets well. Whenever I’m restricted I end up eating more. I like the word lifestyle because that makes me relax and enjoy what I eat knowing that what I’m putting in my body is to fuel it and give it what’s nutritious.

I’m determined to lose it for good by¬†eating healthy and working out and being good¬†to¬†my body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

New International Version (NIV)

19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

I will update again.

Toddler Teething

This last week or so it’s been up and down with cold and teething symptoms with Emma. She had a fever the other day that went away in one night, drooling and lack of appetite and I noticed there was a little bit of infection inside her mouth on the wall of her cheek. We had taken her to urgent care about a month ago because it had gotten really painful and she couldn’t eat anything so the doctor gave her mouth pain relief and said it might be from a cold and that it’s common among toddlers.

She seems like she has her full set of teeth to me except for the very back ones, the molars.

Last night she was up and playing pretty late and then when we put her to bed, an hour later she was feeling uncomfortable and woke up crying. When my husband went to pick her up she threw up all over him and was back to being fine right after and went back to sleep.

I finally decided to google teething symptoms this morning and to my relief, I found the link below which lists all the things Emma is having, concluding that she is teething her molars.

Toddler Teething: What to Expect


This too shall pass,




Don’t ever question a mother’s instinct

My hubby and I had just finished working out yesterday when I went to the Gym Day care to pick up Emma. We had gotten here earlier than usual and there were a lot more kids than normal. Emma is active and social but yesterday I spotted her next to the teacher sitting quietly¬†with her blanket. I knew something wasn’t right before I even walked in. When I picked¬†her up she felts so hot, I touched her forehead and my hand had slipped under her shirt touching her back and it felt so warm, I knew she had a fever. My husband kept justifying¬†that the room was hot and she hadn’t taken off her jacket and that was why she was feeling hot. I didn’t really believe him and told him to not question¬†a mother’s instinct. I think he was trying to keep me calm though LOL ūüôā

I measured her temperature as soon as we got home and sure enough the red light lit up and it was at 99.5 with a ūüė¶ The worst part is not knowing what the cause is. She doesn’t have a cold and she has all her teeth so it can’t be that she’s teething either. But she was drooling like crazy. After I fed her and got her to take some Fever Reliever in a milk bottle, my mom called and I told her about the drooling. She said it could be that she has a sore throat and instead of swallowing her saliva, she is spitting¬†it out because it would hurt if she swallowed. I don’t know she seemed to be able to eat her food so her opinion didn’t really settle well either.

I gave Emma a bath and measured her temp again and after an hour it had gone down to 98.7. I played with her until it was time for her bedtime.

This morning I woke up and hoped she’d wake up before I left for work so I could take her temperature again. She did and it was 97.7.

I’m praying and hoping her fever is gone for good.

Confessions of a toddler mom,


Trying vs. Training

How many times have I started trying something and then¬†I’ve stopped ¬†because it was too hard or I didn’t “feel” like it anyomre or something came up!

Trying to be skinny but stopping the second it’s someones birthday and I want that piece of chocolate cake. News flash, every day is someones birthday and these hips can’t afford anoter slice.

Trying to not eat that bag of chips

Trying to squeeze in time to work out

Trying to be like so and so because they look like they can do everything and still look so beautiful put together.

Trying to be like Jesus, trying to love my neighbor as myself. Sometimes I don’t even like myself, so not sure how I would be able to love my neighbor on those days.

I’m sick and tired of trying and this week I quit.

Instead, I want to start training.

Setting a goal and training for it.

Sticking with it day after day even if one day I fall down, get up, and do it again the next day.

Anyone who is good in something, didn’t get there by trying. They trained for it like there was no tomorrow and like their life depended on it. They did walk around with an excuse bag, they made a way.

Any parents knows that it’s not the same as trying to be patient with your toddler and not yelling at them is not the same as training for patience.

Training requires discipline.

Discipline requires habitually doing something over and over again even in midst of temptation and opposition  until it becomes automatic and a part of my being so that all trying is dead and growth has happened.

We sholdn’t wait for the perfect condition in order for us to even try whatever it is we want to accopmplish, becasue that day will never come. Start today, here, now and contiue diligently day after day.

Is there something you’ve been trying to do but haven’t succeeded?

What is it?

What has stopped you from accomplishing your goal?

Is it time to stop trying and start training?

Lets get to it!


Art of not having to…

Anytime we make a rule or religion out of something, it sucks the life out of it.

We go our days complaining about the things we have to do and wishing we didn’t have to do it.

The truth is we really don’t have to do anything other than pay taxes and die. We don’t really even have to pay taxes unless we want to go to jail.

The choice is ours.

If we want to live victoriously and good quality lives, then we can choose to form good habits that lead us into that direction. If we WANT something then we CHOOSE to do something about it. We don’t HAVE TO do anything. Really.

In my own life, ¬†I don’t have to read the bible, pray or go to church. I choose and want to do those things because my life is better when I do them.

I don’t have to eat healthy or exercise but I choose to because I want to be a certain size and look a certain way.

I don’t have to work. I want to because I want to have a place to live and food to eat.


I encourage you, to re-focus from having to, to wanting to.

If we make the switch, we will start enjoying our every day lives even when performing minimal and what may seem “unimportant.” tasks.

Mother Theresa said something like it’s not how much you do but how much love you put¬† in each of your actions.