When I grow up, I want to be just like Beyonce

Last night was more like there was a game at Beyoncé’s Concert. She killed it. She is really the picture of a flawless woman. It was honestly jaw dropping and one of the best performances I have seen.

But by the same token if I let myself, I can start feeling pressure to look like her asap and the comparing game kills us. She just had a baby and so did i but her baby is just turning one and mine is turning 2.

So instead of wishing I can be like her, I can enjoy her talents and work on become the best version of myself and not Beyoncé.

There is room for everyone.

And no matter how good you are they are still gonna find something wrong with you. In this case, now they are blaming for the light outage on her performance.

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Hungry Soul

When we rely on over-stuffing ourselves with food, drinking until we get drunk, or conducting an adulterous relationship, we are revealing a desperate attempt to silence the cries of a hungry soul.

Our souls have the same ravenous intensity as a vacuum cleaner; that’s how God created us — with a longing to be filled. It is a longing God instilled to draw us into deep intimacy with Him.

c/o Made to Crave by Lisa TerKeurst

Hello Spring Semester

Here we go again. I started first day of Spring Semester at CSUN yesterday. I’m taking 2 courses. 1. Poly Science ONLINE and Child development class called Applied Social Development.

Reviewing the syllabus is the worst because it feels overwhelming to see all the work that is required. One of the professors even said to figure out a 1ohr week studying time in order to pass the class.

But I can do this. I just need to take it day by day and focus on finishing one assignment at a time.

I’m trusting God to give me the strength I need to finish strong.

Matthew 6:34

The Message (MSG)

34 “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

During my last semester, I wasn’t able to commit to going to the gym because that was the only time I could come home from work and focus on my homework while my husband took Emma to the gym for an hour or two.

Since I had a month off from school, I started going to the gym and I’m really liking the way I feel about myself. I notice the change in energy and it just makes me feel good about myself. Even though I haven’t lost any weight, I want to continue going an hour 3 or 4 times a week.

I also want to spend time with my daughter until her bedtime and then focus on schoolwork, probably till midnight or whatever time I may need to stay up.

All I keep day dreaming about is my graduation with hubby and Emma being there with me and celebrating together. They are my inspiration.

 

 

i cry more than my baby

I cry when I’m happy
I cry when I’m sad
I cry when I’m hurt
I cry during movies
I cry when someone seems to have forgotten about me
I cry when my daughter has boo boo. I’m tempted to cry with her every time she cries.

I cry easily and often. It seems like that’s how I express any kind of real raw emotion.

Sometimes when I cry happy tears, I need to state a disclaimer to my hubby so he wouldn’t think it’s cuz he did something wrong. But he is getting better at understanding my cry language.

He usually laughs about it but for the most part doesn’t mind the tears.

I don’t like or enjoy crying in front of people though. It makes me feel weak when I want to appear strong and “i got this.”

I also don’t like how I look when i’m crying. It’s not a pretty sight.
I don’t mind the occasional tears running down my face – that one isn’t bad.
When I cry cuz of my heart hurting – that is the worst.

It’s ok to cry, it shows how alive we are and it’s not a sign of weakness as long as you’re not throwing a self-pity party. But even then, i think ever girl deserves to have a pity party for 15 minutes at least and move on.

You know what I hate. When we try to cover up our emotions by blaming our hormones, stress level or PMS or something else to cover the pain in our hearts. Sure hormones have an effect and I know this because they were whack during my pregnancy and I can tell the difference.

I also don’t like when guys underestimate our feelings criticising us for Over reacting or being a drama queen so we ladies like to down play our emotions to not be called names like crazy bitch, drama queen, or emotional.

While we shouldn’t be controlled by our emotions but we should let our emotions indicate the condition of our hearts and the truth will set us free and heal.

Finding Skinny Bitch

collage

The picture to the left is one month before I got pregnant. I was a little shy of 120lbs. I gained 85lbs during pregnancy, way more than the average pregnancy weight gain. Emma and I didn’t have any complications during pregnancy or during labor and had a regular birth with epidural.

Since Emma’s birth, I’ve lost almost 50lbs but been stuck for the last six months now.

My current weight is the average weight of what I’ve always been since my 20’s with the exception of the drastic weight loss due to my vegan diet and working out 4-5x a week for a year after our wedding. I went from a size 6 to a size 2-4, That one year that I maintained my weight was the year I felt my very best and ever since I’ve had Emma, it’s been a struggle getting back to my pre baby weight.

I gave up on my vegan diet during pregnancy so it’s been a challenge for me to eliminate the meat and dairy but this week, I made up my mind I’m going to stick with it.

I re-read a couple of the books that first got me motivated. Books like Eat to Live, and The Skinny Bitch. (BTW the “bitch” in Skinny Bitch” is not the mean bitch you’re thinkig of, the title is picked to grab reader’s attention, says the book) The last few weeks, I committed to going to the gym with my hubby. I had stopped working out during Fall Semester because I just couldn’t do it with full-time work and school and keeping the house together. It was too much.

I jokingly say that maybe my body doesn’t want to lose weight, maybe it wants to get pregnant again.

Even if we choose to go for another baby, I really want to make healthy eating choices during pregnancy and not gain as much.

I really thought all that was going to be water weight and I did have a lot of water but most of it was fat. By the time I got home from the hospital the next day, I was already down 30Lbs. Emma was born close to 10lbs and I guess the 20lbs must have been the water and placenta and the rest, fat. LOL

I tried being intense about it right when we got home from the hosptial. I’d try to eat little but that made me feel sick especially since I was breastfeeding so I couldn’t keep up with it. I just felt so icky during and after.

It’s so annoying and frustrating to see celebrity moms bounce right back in less than 4 months. It seems like every magazine cover features “How she got her body back after baby in just 90 days!”

Maybe I’m a little jealous.

One celebrity I love and can relate to is Jessica Simpson! I loved watching her pregnancy and even after because she reminded me of me! Check out her interview with Jay Leno, she is hilarious, Jessica Simpson interview

oh how I wish, someone would give me a 3 million contract to lose the weight and be their spokesperson 🙂

Emma is almost 20 months and I’m still about 30lbs away from my ideal weight. I dont’ do diets well. Whenever I’m restricted I end up eating more. I like the word lifestyle because that makes me relax and enjoy what I eat knowing that what I’m putting in my body is to fuel it and give it what’s nutritious.

I’m determined to lose it for good by eating healthy and working out and being good to my body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

New International Version (NIV)

19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

I will update again.

Coolest Budget App LearnVest

We’re still in the beginning of the new year and it seems like saving money is averaging number 3 on most people’s resolution lists.

I personally want to be mindful of where my money goes and eliminate phrases like “I don’t know where my money went.”

I came across this cool budget app called LearnVest that helps you track your budget and the best part is that it’s FREE.