Cupids are over rated

Valentine is approaching and it’s bringing back memories of the years when I’d dread the day because for some of us its Single Awareness Day & for some it maybe too commercialized or forced.

I remember dreading it the most during high school years when a student from the admissions office would deliver those big fluffy bears,  heart-shaped balloons, roses to the very popular girls in my class and it would never be me. The funny thing is that  I wouldn’t give up the wait until 3pm for that day and repeat every year though.  It was hard trying to be happy for those girls when I was feeling so bummed about myself.

I also remember a time when my parents took me and my sister out on Valentine’s Day and how I felt embarrassed and kept praying no one from school would see me.

It went on  a few more years like that after high school until I decided to spend it with friends and do something that day instead of feeling sorry for myself.

Looking back it feels silly but at the time it was intense. I get you, all you single ladies:0) Let me tell you that your time will come when your guy will make you feel special and loved every single day and you’d be grateful that it played out the way it did.

Cupids are over rated and they are not even real.

Love does. Every day and not just on Valentine’s Day.

I do like the chocolate and flowers but I never want my husband to feel obligated to do or get me anything because it that  we’re the case it really suck the life out of the gift.

Happily married ❤

 

 

i cry more than my baby

I cry when I’m happy
I cry when I’m sad
I cry when I’m hurt
I cry during movies
I cry when someone seems to have forgotten about me
I cry when my daughter has boo boo. I’m tempted to cry with her every time she cries.

I cry easily and often. It seems like that’s how I express any kind of real raw emotion.

Sometimes when I cry happy tears, I need to state a disclaimer to my hubby so he wouldn’t think it’s cuz he did something wrong. But he is getting better at understanding my cry language.

He usually laughs about it but for the most part doesn’t mind the tears.

I don’t like or enjoy crying in front of people though. It makes me feel weak when I want to appear strong and “i got this.”

I also don’t like how I look when i’m crying. It’s not a pretty sight.
I don’t mind the occasional tears running down my face – that one isn’t bad.
When I cry cuz of my heart hurting – that is the worst.

It’s ok to cry, it shows how alive we are and it’s not a sign of weakness as long as you’re not throwing a self-pity party. But even then, i think ever girl deserves to have a pity party for 15 minutes at least and move on.

You know what I hate. When we try to cover up our emotions by blaming our hormones, stress level or PMS or something else to cover the pain in our hearts. Sure hormones have an effect and I know this because they were whack during my pregnancy and I can tell the difference.

I also don’t like when guys underestimate our feelings criticising us for Over reacting or being a drama queen so we ladies like to down play our emotions to not be called names like crazy bitch, drama queen, or emotional.

While we shouldn’t be controlled by our emotions but we should let our emotions indicate the condition of our hearts and the truth will set us free and heal.

Consider This

This is by far one of my favorite videos by Max Dubinsky about leaving home to go searching for faith and rediscovering it all. Enjoyed all the pictures especially their wedding photos in the end and all the message behind it. Watching this made my heart smile and refreshed my faith. I wanted to share with you because I want you to CONSIDER THIS.

Dear Heart

Should I follow my heart or Follow Jesus?

These past few days I’ve been pondering on the love of God,  His heart, how big it is. His everlasting Word, His Truth, and His promises that are yes and amen. His mercies and loving kindness that are new every morning.

I’ve been thinking about his love story to us and how the whole theme of it is LOVE and Forgiveness.

All of which does not come easy and it takes a lot of self to the cross. More and more, I’m understanding “Pick up your cross, and FOLLOW ME.” That to me does not sound exciting but I know his direction was for our benefit. He always has our best interest in mind.

Just this past month, there were situations where I failed to pick up my cross and rather let my emotions control me and honestly I have come to realize how sometimes it’s best to keep our emotions to ourselves but love, happiness and excitement should not be one of them. Although, majority of people choose otherwise. Most of us are excellent at letting the people around us know when we’re pissed, annoyed and wronged.

I believe the way we naturally react to people hurting us is to plot how to get back at them, speak badly of them or withhold blessings from them here on. We think to ourselves “I’ll show them!” or we might just isolate ourselves from them.

This reminds me of the saying “Unforgivness is like drinking poison and hoping the enemy dies.”

I don’t know about you but as soon as someone hurts me in any way, it cuts my flow of kindness, love and care.

I’m so thankful for the nudging of the Holy Spirit because if it wasn’t for Him that unforgivness would stay in my heart and become bitterness.

I wish there was a three-step program on how to forgive and be free of pain but there isn’t. As long as we’re alive,  people are going to hurt us and chances are, we’re going to hurt some of them. And if it’s us who hurt, are we humble enough to ask for forgiveness?

The choice is ours.

Are we going to withdraw and become cold as we built walls and isolate ourselves from them.

or are we going to remember the times God has forgiven us and the love and mercy He has shown us.

Do we think we’re better than them?

It makes me think of the times I’ve hurt God, how many times I’ve used the name Jesus wrongfully, how maybe that might have hurt him but he never changed His love for me. He never left me or forsake me. He never isolated himself from me He always said, “Call me and I’ll be there, Look for me and You will find me. ”

You know sometimes we think forgiving a person means that we’re telling them they were right but it actually means letting go of the hurt they have caused us and not harboring hatred toward them because of the wrong they’ve done.  It’s letting God deal with them.

I know this journey is narrow and painful but I want to live out the heart of God. I want to do the very thing Jesus would do. Because whatever he spoke and did it was out of Love for God and Love for the people and in the end he laid it all down for me and you. That’s the kinda love story I want to live.

Sanctus Real Has the Perfect song “Dear Heart” lyrics

Dear heart,
Do you belong to me
Or do I belong to you
Just look at all the trouble
You dragged me into
I’ve heard it said
To follow your heart
But I’m starting to wonder
If it’s gone too far

Oh heart, you let me down
Chasing love, when it can’t be found
Heart, we’ve fallen out
All of your emotions have led me to doubt
Tell me who’s gonna save us now?

Dear heart
You’re in the wrong place
Looking out for yourself
No matter what I say
And I know
That you’re holding me back
And it’s time for a change
So I’m giving you away

Oh heart, you let me down
Chasing love, when it can’t be found
And heart, we’ve fallen out
Cuz all of your emotions have led me to doubt
Tell me who’s gonna save us now?

xoxo

El