Here I am down on my knees again…

It’s been a bumpy month with the kiddo. Some days, I just want to having a crying sesh and I know that would do me good. But one thing that sustains me is His loving Presence. He is near. He cares. I surrender.

Here I am
Down on my knees again
Surrendering all
Surrendering all

Find me here
Lord as You draw me near
Desperate for You
Desperate for You

I surrender

Drench my soul
As mercy and grace unfold
I hunger and thirst
I hunger and thirst

With arms stretched wide
I know You hear my cry
Speak to me now
Speak to me now

I surrender
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

I surrender
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more

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Emma’s first x-ray & making up for all the tears

firstx

About a week ago, I wrote about my 20 month old toddler slipping on a book and hurting her ankle. With no signs of swelling or bruising, she continued walking with a little limp. I was getting really nervous and worried so we took her in to see her doctor yesterday. The doc couldn’t find anything unusual with her after doing torturous stretches and then we asked for her to be x-rayed just to be double sure.

I thought taking in your toddler for blood work was bad but the x-ray seemed worse. My hubby and I had to hold her down for a couple of minutes with her crying, screaming and kicking , we managed to get a shot of her bones. The doc showed us the x-ray and everything looked as it should.

Upon searching googling, I’ve resolved that it is either growing pains or she is just being cautious that she remembers the incident. I don’t know. I’m trusting God has it under control.

We took her out after the hospital visit to make up for all the torture and tears we caused her and she seemed happy enjoying the sun and life.

I love this girl.

green

say cheese

love being her mom,

el

 

 

Finding Skinny Bitch

collage

The picture to the left is one month before I got pregnant. I was a little shy of 120lbs. I gained 85lbs during pregnancy, way more than the average pregnancy weight gain. Emma and I didn’t have any complications during pregnancy or during labor and had a regular birth with epidural.

Since Emma’s birth, I’ve lost almost 50lbs but been stuck for the last six months now.

My current weight is the average weight of what I’ve always been since my 20’s with the exception of the drastic weight loss due to my vegan diet and working out 4-5x a week for a year after our wedding. I went from a size 6 to a size 2-4, That one year that I maintained my weight was the year I felt my very best and ever since I’ve had Emma, it’s been a struggle getting back to my pre baby weight.

I gave up on my vegan diet during pregnancy so it’s been a challenge for me to eliminate the meat and dairy but this week, I made up my mind I’m going to stick with it.

I re-read a couple of the books that first got me motivated. Books like Eat to Live, and The Skinny Bitch. (BTW the “bitch” in Skinny Bitch” is not the mean bitch you’re thinkig of, the title is picked to grab reader’s attention, says the book) The last few weeks, I committed to going to the gym with my hubby. I had stopped working out during Fall Semester because I just couldn’t do it with full-time work and school and keeping the house together. It was too much.

I jokingly say that maybe my body doesn’t want to lose weight, maybe it wants to get pregnant again.

Even if we choose to go for another baby, I really want to make healthy eating choices during pregnancy and not gain as much.

I really thought all that was going to be water weight and I did have a lot of water but most of it was fat. By the time I got home from the hospital the next day, I was already down 30Lbs. Emma was born close to 10lbs and I guess the 20lbs must have been the water and placenta and the rest, fat. LOL

I tried being intense about it right when we got home from the hosptial. I’d try to eat little but that made me feel sick especially since I was breastfeeding so I couldn’t keep up with it. I just felt so icky during and after.

It’s so annoying and frustrating to see celebrity moms bounce right back in less than 4 months. It seems like every magazine cover features “How she got her body back after baby in just 90 days!”

Maybe I’m a little jealous.

One celebrity I love and can relate to is Jessica Simpson! I loved watching her pregnancy and even after because she reminded me of me! Check out her interview with Jay Leno, she is hilarious, Jessica Simpson interview

oh how I wish, someone would give me a 3 million contract to lose the weight and be their spokesperson 🙂

Emma is almost 20 months and I’m still about 30lbs away from my ideal weight. I dont’ do diets well. Whenever I’m restricted I end up eating more. I like the word lifestyle because that makes me relax and enjoy what I eat knowing that what I’m putting in my body is to fuel it and give it what’s nutritious.

I’m determined to lose it for good by eating healthy and working out and being good to my body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

New International Version (NIV)

19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

I will update again.

my little honey got a boo boo

My little munchkin had her first real big boo boo yesterday. She tripped over a book and strained her ankle. When I got home she came limping to me, showing me her ankle and saying “augh.”  She had cried when it happened but looked fine except from her limp. It broke my heart seeing her like that. I wanted to hug and cry but I knew that would also make her cry.

She still has the limp today so I emailed her doctor and she said to ice it down and if it doesn’t go away in the next few days, I can take her in for a check up.

I want to kiss all of her boo boos away..

 

Toddler Teething

This last week or so it’s been up and down with cold and teething symptoms with Emma. She had a fever the other day that went away in one night, drooling and lack of appetite and I noticed there was a little bit of infection inside her mouth on the wall of her cheek. We had taken her to urgent care about a month ago because it had gotten really painful and she couldn’t eat anything so the doctor gave her mouth pain relief and said it might be from a cold and that it’s common among toddlers.

She seems like she has her full set of teeth to me except for the very back ones, the molars.

Last night she was up and playing pretty late and then when we put her to bed, an hour later she was feeling uncomfortable and woke up crying. When my husband went to pick her up she threw up all over him and was back to being fine right after and went back to sleep.

I finally decided to google teething symptoms this morning and to my relief, I found the link below which lists all the things Emma is having, concluding that she is teething her molars.

Toddler Teething: What to Expect

 

This too shall pass,

 

El

 

Please excuse my mess, I’m making memories

I used to drink 3 cups of Armenian coffee a day. Now it’s only one if I get the chance to sit down and drink it hot. Sometimes I get to make it but I don’t get to drink it because there is a little person running around demanding my attention or chocolate. I like my Armenian coffee with chocolate so if she even smells the coffee she is already asking for chocolate. You don’t want to mess with a toddler on sugar high.

Lately, I thought I had it figured out if I make my coffee during her bath time, I can watch her play in the tub while I sit on the toilet and drink my coffee. It worked for a little while until she learned how to splash really hard and throw water at me and pour it all out of the tub. Because that’s exactly what happened last night and never got to drink my hot coffee.

But look at this face…as a mother you will joyfully sacrifice anything and everything for the love of your heart outside of your body…your baby ❤

My sister took this pic on NYE when she wanted to get in her cousin’s baby bath tub and because she is so much bigger she poured all the water out as she sat in it.

Please excuse my mess, I’m making memories,

angel

El

Don’t ever question a mother’s instinct

My hubby and I had just finished working out yesterday when I went to the Gym Day care to pick up Emma. We had gotten here earlier than usual and there were a lot more kids than normal. Emma is active and social but yesterday I spotted her next to the teacher sitting quietly with her blanket. I knew something wasn’t right before I even walked in. When I picked her up she felts so hot, I touched her forehead and my hand had slipped under her shirt touching her back and it felt so warm, I knew she had a fever. My husband kept justifying that the room was hot and she hadn’t taken off her jacket and that was why she was feeling hot. I didn’t really believe him and told him to not question a mother’s instinct. I think he was trying to keep me calm though LOL 🙂

I measured her temperature as soon as we got home and sure enough the red light lit up and it was at 99.5 with a 😦 The worst part is not knowing what the cause is. She doesn’t have a cold and she has all her teeth so it can’t be that she’s teething either. But she was drooling like crazy. After I fed her and got her to take some Fever Reliever in a milk bottle, my mom called and I told her about the drooling. She said it could be that she has a sore throat and instead of swallowing her saliva, she is spitting it out because it would hurt if she swallowed. I don’t know she seemed to be able to eat her food so her opinion didn’t really settle well either.

I gave Emma a bath and measured her temp again and after an hour it had gone down to 98.7. I played with her until it was time for her bedtime.

This morning I woke up and hoped she’d wake up before I left for work so I could take her temperature again. She did and it was 97.7.

I’m praying and hoping her fever is gone for good.

Confessions of a toddler mom,

El

a day without a nap

Today was one of those long days when you spend 2-4 hours trying to get your toddler to sleep but fail. My 19 month old woke up at 8 a.m. this morning and just went to bed without any afternoon naps. This is a big deal for a mom. Moms can only get stuff done when they’re baby is asleep. At least for me that’s how it goes. If I try to hang one jacket in my closet, before I walk away somehow a little fairy is in there with me but she is knocking off all the shoes from rack. I choose to do chores when she is napping and when she goes to bed. I also choose to play with her when she’s up. I do realize she is not going to stay a baby forever so I enjoy my time with her when she’s up. 🙂

I wanted to look nice tonight for our Armenian Christmas gathering. I also wanted to have carpet cleaning done at our place so I went to my moms while hubby came home for the carpet cleaning.

Showering without rushing is a luxury when you’re a mom and that’s what I did at my parents. I had my mom watch Emma until I showered and blow dried my hair but that was it. After that, Emma kept wanting me and since I failed putting her to sleep at their place she was super cranky and had to have her by me while I tried putting on makeup and getting dressed.

After I changed her, I headed back home to pick up hubby to head over to his parents’ house for dinner. On the way back Emma insisted to sit in the car seat with her princess chair in her lap. When you have a cranky baby, you really shouldn’t waste your breath trying to tell them no unless you don’t mind hearing them crying all the way home.

The carpet looks brand new and Emma did pretty good at the gathering except we had to leave shortly after dinner because she was calling her grandma, mama. Poor thing, she was so exhausted.

She is now at the comfort of our home and sleeping in heavenly peace and my hubby is also knocked out and it’s not even 10:00pm yet but I’m so excited I get to sleep right now too!

Say your prayers, cast your worries to God, He is up all Night anyway ❤

El

 

 

New Year, New Day & Maybe New Me.

Just like many of you, I took time to assess last year and write down my goals for this year.  All this happened on Jury Duty day in the waiting room. Everyone was dismissed at the end of the day. 🙂

If you’re anything like me, I spend more time making a to do list than actually doing stuff. But they say when you write it down, you’re more likely to do it, so I keep writing them down.

But this year, I don’t want to do a lot, I want to be more. But even then, I wrote a list.

I’m turning 30 this August and I want to simplify my life as much as possible and bring it down to what really matters…the basics.  The rest is just so distracting that keep us busy enough to not have any time for our loved ones;  the ones who truly deserve and need to most. They’re the ones who love us the most even with all of our junk.

This year, I want to be a fun girl. I think I’m fun some days but I really want to bring that girl out this year.

I want to laugh a lot and date my husband more. I’ve never gone ice skating, I asked if he would take me this year and he said yes!

I want to let go and let God be in control. I freak out a lot and I need to stop.

I want to be the kind of role model by daughter looks up to. It’s so hard to keep calm when you’ve asked your toddler to do something for the 400th time.

I want to be a really good friend to a few good friends. My husband will tell accounts of me crying over the fact that no one calls me their best friend but a few years ago, my sister bought me a teddy bear that had a sweater on and it said “best friends.” The funny thing is my husband is my best friend and he tells me I’m his, but I guess every girl wants that BFF…or maybe it’s just me. Whatever..

I don’t want to try to be perfect and pretend to have it all together because I don’t and that’s ok.

I’m still navigating this thing called motherhood and trying to date my husband at the same time.

It’s a lot of work.

But anything worthwhile is a lot of work…and work can be fun too 🙂

So very thankful for my life and praying for God’s blessings in our lives this year. To really taste that the Lord is good.

Happy New Year to all my followers…you guys really inspire me to come back and blog some more this year.

El

hush my baby, dont you cry..

Our daughter is a year and a half old now and she has become an unstoppable chatterbox with bursts of energy. We love her to pieces. As cute as she is, she has been giving us a hard time during bedtime. Since the time she turned one month old we let her sleep in her crib in her room and has been that way until now. She has become clingy and prefers sleeping in my arms and then I need to tip toe my way in her room and pray to God she doesn’t wake up as I lay her down to sleep. I realize she is building healthy attachement and now knows who she can trust. But at the same time she knows how to manipulate to get her way.

This has become the new pattern and I realize my hubby was right it needs to stop. The falling asleep process is taking longer and it’s exhausting. The aftermath of this is none of us gets a good night of rest, we’re late to work and drained throughout the day.

As a mom, when I hear her even whimper, I run to her rescue. Maybe I should re-read Babywise and remind myself that it’s ok for her to cry even if she cries for 10 minutes she won’t lose brain cells. It’s  bedtime and she doesn’t want to sleep. It’s not like she needs anything and I’d be neglecting her if I let her soothe herself and fall asleep.

We never had trouble with this. We would put her in her crib and she’d know it’s bedtime.

You would think I”d know better considering the fact Child Development is my MAJOR but no book knowledge can equip for the actual experience. boo! Just like reading a map isn’t the same as exploring to those places. yep.

I’m assuming it’s because of the change in her schedule. I’ve been taking her to mom’s at different times in the mornings and her nap time isn’t consistent as it used to be with her nanny. Her nanny is currently on a vacation for the rest of the month. I’m hoping she doesn’t decide to extend her vacation! We need her and miss her!

So the fact that I’ve been taking her out of her routine, at the end of the day, I feel guilty if I don’t comfort her when she cries.  In reality, I’m letting her manipulate and control me and NEEDS to stop.

When you’re married, your husband and marriage must remain priority. This is for the best interest of the children as well. The father and mother are responsible in meeting all of the child’s needs and raising him/her in a way that they will be able to leave them and be & do well on their own.  Teach the bird how to fly. By attending to my baby 24/7, leaves me no time or energy for my husband. If a wife/husband doesn’t make time for each other, it won’t ever happen on it’s own. You must be intentional. Like a NINJA.

The worst thing a parent can do is everything for their child. This will handicap them.

Today, I’ll have to reinforce, putting her to bed and leaving her there. It is said that it takes three days for a baby to learn a new habit/break old one.

Please pray for strength and consistency.

I’d love to hear from other mamas about my situation.

thank you xoxo

Elle